Defictionalized Products - what I don't like about them

I love Defictionalized Products (Reverse Product Placement)! And even thought this blog is all about "Doing Stuff About Things We Like" today's post is about something I don't like. Even though I love Defictionalized Products, I do not like the choices made by the people who designed the packaging.

I like Defictionalized Products because they help me pretend, if only for a moment, that I am in the universe of a show, book, etc. that I love. When the product has something on it (say one of the characters or the show's logo) that would not be on it in the fictional universe, it breaks the illusion. It makes it less of a prop and more of a commercial for the show, book, etc. only. I know that they are commercials, but when they hide they take the time to hide that fact at least a little bit, I appreciate it and can suspend disbelief for my moment of "I am in the Simpson universe. It exists and I am part of it, eating my KrustyO's".

Let's go through most of my Defictionalized Product collection and I'll tell you what is wrong with each object, even thouogh I love each one.

When I buy a Defictionalized product. Such as Tru Blood

I want it to look like a bottle of Tru Blood, but I'd prefer that it did not have the HBO logo on it or a link to the show's website. (Here's a link to my review of Tru Blood!)

Or if I buy spinach like Popeye eats

I would like the can to look like a can of spinach from a Popeye cartoon. I do not want it to have a picture of Popeye on it. (Popeye Spinach Review!)

While Stay Puft marshmallows are very tastey and have a great front the back...

Should not have the Ghostbusters logo on it. It should not have the word "Ghostbusters" on it anywhere. (Stay Puft review!)


All of the Harry Potter merch is like this.

The bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans is pretty cool, but the tag says Harry Potter on it. In the wizarding world it would not say "Harry Potter" on it. (No Harry Potter candy review, yet...)

Just like Duff Beer

Would not say "The Simpsons" or

"20th Century Fox". (Review of Duff Beer Energy Drink!)

And Buzz Cola would not say "The Simpsons Movie". (or have Matt Groening's signature on it).

(Link to Buzz Cola Review!)

And Romulan Ale wouldn't say "Star Trek".

(Romulan Ale Review!)

Cheesy Poofs might have Cartman on the bag, he did do a commercial after all, but it would not say "South Park".

(Cheesy Poof review!)

And these fictional drink cans from various cartoons...

They are pretty cool, but Peter Griffin and Barney Gumble. They should be drinking the drinks and not on the can. Whereas Slurms McKenzie would be on the can but Philip J. Fry

Would not be... on the can. (No Slurm review. I want to review the Slurm energy drink, but can not find any.)

And finally we come to the Talkboy!

I have no complaints about the Talkboy. It is my favorite Defictionalized product. It is wonderful and so close to perfect.

The box had Kevin McCallister and the words "Home Alone" on it, if I remember correctly, but this doesn't bother me because you never see the Talkboy Box in Home Alone 2. The Talkboy itself only has the words "Twentieth Centry Fox Films" on it in fine print. Which is better than it could be.

The Talkboy looks almost exactly like the movie version. I plan on reviewing it soon. I was going to review it during the Christmas season, but... it didn't happen.

The Christmas Season is over. At least, everybody considers Christmas Day the last day of the Christmas Season, even though it is supposed to be the first day. But...

So Christmas is over, but I love the Talkboy so some time in the next few weeks I will review it more thoroughly.

Christmas Ghost Stories? - Spike the Betta Fish

For you AVGN/Cinemassacre fans, this is my Giant Claw

You know what I'd like to get my grubby, grabby, midwestern hands on?

That!

I want that puppet from the CoCo Wheats commercial!

Don't remember it? Let's see if I can find it again on youtube...

Found it! But it won't let me embed. Click Here to see the commercial!

I loved/hated this commercial growing up! I was enthralled by, but kind of afraid of the "ugly" CoCo Wheats puppet. I watched the commercial with fear and fascination just waiting for and dreading the moment that the horrible bowl of dark, putrid evil leaped to center screen!

And I wanted it. I wanted to own that horribly ugly puppet. I hoped that it was available as a "special offer", back of the box premium, but no such luck.

I never ate oatmeal or cream of wheat for breakfast, I was more of an open-faced pb and honey sandwitch sort of guy, but I would have gladly choked down several week's worth of slimey, grainy chocolate if it meant that I could send in a few boxtops and a check for shipping and handling to get a bowl of evil puppet! And I would've played with it every day and kept it in a place of honor next to my My Pet Monster. Sigh...

Just look at that thing

(I don't remember where I found this picture. It's been in my photos folder of awesome things for over a year. I got it off of google)


Look at it! It's like a Boglin

(image from wikipedia, through a google search)

I somehow wasn't aware of these growing up, but they go together like a ramma lamma lamma...

I would've been scared of Boglins, too. In fact, I might have been aware of them and so scared that I blocked out the memory.

I still want this silly thing. If anybody knows where it is, please let me know. I would love to own it, or at least see it in person some day.

It's not ugly. It's beautiful!

Candy Cane Necktie!

I got my first Christmas present today! I mean besides the usual "you work with me and it's Christmas so HERE! Have an ornament!" sort of presents.

It's a Christmas present from my job! Yep, one of those "you work for me and it's Christmas so HERE! Have some office supplies!" sort of presents.

Everybody at work got one of these baskets, but I am one of two men who work there so originally they had a basket that had lotion and pink office stuff in it that they thought about giving me, but decided to give me this basket a day later instead. This basket is blue.

It has:

1. A pink and dark purple striped candy cane that tastes like... pink. It tastes like the color pink.
2. A tin of Hello Kitty mints. Sour Strawberry mints. She's wearing glasses.
3. A packet of blank, mini greeting cards with one of those "Achievement" posters on the front and a quote from Ben Franklin.
4. A notebook in the shape of a smartphone. It's bigger than a smartphone, but smaller than a tablet computer. "So it's the size of a mini-tablet?" you ask. I don't know. I've never seen one of those in person.
5. A magnetic notepad with Mickey Mouse on top. One of those things that you can stick to your fridge or filing cabinet to use for grocery lists and to write down phone messages, but will most likely lose in a stack of papers where it will stay unused until you either throw it away or find it again, set it aside to use, and lose it in another stack of papers.
6. The wicker basket, I guess. I hate wicker. It doesn't please me asthetically and it breaks after minimal use.

That was all of the office supply/standard Christmasy stuff (candy cane), but there was one more item my basket had that the baskets for the lady-types did not... a CANDY CANE TIE!

That's a picture I took of myself in the candy cane tie. Near my head you see a snowflake I made to help decorate the preschool room where I work. We had the one-year-olds I teach crayon all over pages of blue and white paper which I folded and cut into four-point snowflakes. I found out after the fact that snowflakes actually have six points. I made the six-point snowflake in the picture and now the rest of them hanging all around the room no longer look like snowflakes to me. They look like paper doilies.

Back to the Candy Cane Tie! It's wonderfully Christmasy! It's bright green and has candy canes and round peppermint discs. The back has a loop of black material instead of the usual flat loop that most neckties I own or have worn in the past feature for wrangling the smaller end of the tie.

What do you call that thing? *Googles it* "Keeper Loop"... I guess that makes sense.

But you haven't heard the best part yet...

It plays Jingle Bells! Check out this shakey video!

Ahhh Peanuts Creche. It's not really the Christmas season until I put you up.

So that's it! That's my first Christmas present for 2013! What's yours?

P.S. Want to give me my next Christmas present? Link to the Ponder Couch Christmas Wishlist.

Ugly Christmas Sweater!

A song about an Ugly Christmas Sweater:

I sort of channel the ghost of Buddy Holly in this one. Or... maybe a Buddy Holly impersonator.

Here're the lyrics:

 get anxious when I see an evergreen tree
covered in tinsel and lights.
I start to perspire when I hear a choir
singing "Silent Night".

My forehead starts to bead when the pastor reads
about shepherds hearing good news.
My neck hair mats down when there's fruitcake around
and my feet flood my Christmas Shoes.

My palms get wet when I see silhouettes
of carolers out in the snow.
It flows down my back when nuts start to crack
and I pit out underneath mistletoe.

I love the Holiday Season and it makes me want to cry.
I'm and Ugly Christmas Sweater but by New Year's Eve
I'm cute and dry (x2)

A Traditional Christmas Hymn!

One of my favorite traditional Christmas hymns, presented as straight-forward as possible with no jokes or silly stuff.

"We're on the Island of Danzig Toys" or "Where Reindeer Dare"

Hey a new comic! I haven't done one of those in a while. This one is an idea I had today. I googled every combination I could think of to see if anyone has made a Misfits/Rudolph and Hermey joke, but found nothing. I'm sure it's out there, but I made my own version anyway.

I always thought his name was "Herbie". Huh...