Defictionalized Products - what I don't like about them

I love Defictionalized Products (Reverse Product Placement)! And even thought this blog is all about "Doing Stuff About Things We Like" today's post is about something I don't like. Even though I love Defictionalized Products, I do not like the choices made by the people who designed the packaging.

I like Defictionalized Products because they help me pretend, if only for a moment, that I am in the universe of a show, book, etc. that I love. When the product has something on it (say one of the characters or the show's logo) that would not be on it in the fictional universe, it breaks the illusion. It makes it less of a prop and more of a commercial for the show, book, etc. only. I know that they are commercials, but when they hide they take the time to hide that fact at least a little bit, I appreciate it and can suspend disbelief for my moment of "I am in the Simpson universe. It exists and I am part of it, eating my KrustyO's".

Let's go through most of my Defictionalized Product collection and I'll tell you what is wrong with each object, even thouogh I love each one.

When I buy a Defictionalized product. Such as Tru Blood

I want it to look like a bottle of Tru Blood, but I'd prefer that it did not have the HBO logo on it or a link to the show's website. (Here's a link to my review of Tru Blood!)

Or if I buy spinach like Popeye eats

I would like the can to look like a can of spinach from a Popeye cartoon. I do not want it to have a picture of Popeye on it. (Popeye Spinach Review!)

While Stay Puft marshmallows are very tastey and have a great front the back...

Should not have the Ghostbusters logo on it. It should not have the word "Ghostbusters" on it anywhere. (Stay Puft review!)


All of the Harry Potter merch is like this.

The bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans is pretty cool, but the tag says Harry Potter on it. In the wizarding world it would not say "Harry Potter" on it. (No Harry Potter candy review, yet...)

Just like Duff Beer

Would not say "The Simpsons" or

"20th Century Fox". (Review of Duff Beer Energy Drink!)

And Buzz Cola would not say "The Simpsons Movie". (or have Matt Groening's signature on it).

(Link to Buzz Cola Review!)

And Romulan Ale wouldn't say "Star Trek".

(Romulan Ale Review!)

Cheesy Poofs might have Cartman on the bag, he did do a commercial after all, but it would not say "South Park".

(Cheesy Poof review!)

And these fictional drink cans from various cartoons...

They are pretty cool, but Peter Griffin and Barney Gumble. They should be drinking the drinks and not on the can. Whereas Slurms McKenzie would be on the can but Philip J. Fry

Would not be... on the can. (No Slurm review. I want to review the Slurm energy drink, but can not find any.)

And finally we come to the Talkboy!

I have no complaints about the Talkboy. It is my favorite Defictionalized product. It is wonderful and so close to perfect.

The box had Kevin McCallister and the words "Home Alone" on it, if I remember correctly, but this doesn't bother me because you never see the Talkboy Box in Home Alone 2. The Talkboy itself only has the words "Twentieth Centry Fox Films" on it in fine print. Which is better than it could be.

The Talkboy looks almost exactly like the movie version. I plan on reviewing it soon. I was going to review it during the Christmas season, but... it didn't happen.

The Christmas Season is over. At least, everybody considers Christmas Day the last day of the Christmas Season, even though it is supposed to be the first day. But...

So Christmas is over, but I love the Talkboy so some time in the next few weeks I will review it more thoroughly.

Christmas Ghost Stories? - Spike the Betta Fish

For you AVGN/Cinemassacre fans, this is my Giant Claw

You know what I'd like to get my grubby, grabby, midwestern hands on?

That!

I want that puppet from the CoCo Wheats commercial!

Don't remember it? Let's see if I can find it again on youtube...

Found it! But it won't let me embed. Click Here to see the commercial!

I loved/hated this commercial growing up! I was enthralled by, but kind of afraid of the "ugly" CoCo Wheats puppet. I watched the commercial with fear and fascination just waiting for and dreading the moment that the horrible bowl of dark, putrid evil leaped to center screen!

And I wanted it. I wanted to own that horribly ugly puppet. I hoped that it was available as a "special offer", back of the box premium, but no such luck.

I never ate oatmeal or cream of wheat for breakfast, I was more of an open-faced pb and honey sandwitch sort of guy, but I would have gladly choked down several week's worth of slimey, grainy chocolate if it meant that I could send in a few boxtops and a check for shipping and handling to get a bowl of evil puppet! And I would've played with it every day and kept it in a place of honor next to my My Pet Monster. Sigh...

Just look at that thing

(I don't remember where I found this picture. It's been in my photos folder of awesome things for over a year. I got it off of google)


Look at it! It's like a Boglin

(image from wikipedia, through a google search)

I somehow wasn't aware of these growing up, but they go together like a ramma lamma lamma...

I would've been scared of Boglins, too. In fact, I might have been aware of them and so scared that I blocked out the memory.

I still want this silly thing. If anybody knows where it is, please let me know. I would love to own it, or at least see it in person some day.

It's not ugly. It's beautiful!

Candy Cane Necktie!

I got my first Christmas present today! I mean besides the usual "you work with me and it's Christmas so HERE! Have an ornament!" sort of presents.

It's a Christmas present from my job! Yep, one of those "you work for me and it's Christmas so HERE! Have some office supplies!" sort of presents.

Everybody at work got one of these baskets, but I am one of two men who work there so originally they had a basket that had lotion and pink office stuff in it that they thought about giving me, but decided to give me this basket a day later instead. This basket is blue.

It has:

1. A pink and dark purple striped candy cane that tastes like... pink. It tastes like the color pink.
2. A tin of Hello Kitty mints. Sour Strawberry mints. She's wearing glasses.
3. A packet of blank, mini greeting cards with one of those "Achievement" posters on the front and a quote from Ben Franklin.
4. A notebook in the shape of a smartphone. It's bigger than a smartphone, but smaller than a tablet computer. "So it's the size of a mini-tablet?" you ask. I don't know. I've never seen one of those in person.
5. A magnetic notepad with Mickey Mouse on top. One of those things that you can stick to your fridge or filing cabinet to use for grocery lists and to write down phone messages, but will most likely lose in a stack of papers where it will stay unused until you either throw it away or find it again, set it aside to use, and lose it in another stack of papers.
6. The wicker basket, I guess. I hate wicker. It doesn't please me asthetically and it breaks after minimal use.

That was all of the office supply/standard Christmasy stuff (candy cane), but there was one more item my basket had that the baskets for the lady-types did not... a CANDY CANE TIE!

That's a picture I took of myself in the candy cane tie. Near my head you see a snowflake I made to help decorate the preschool room where I work. We had the one-year-olds I teach crayon all over pages of blue and white paper which I folded and cut into four-point snowflakes. I found out after the fact that snowflakes actually have six points. I made the six-point snowflake in the picture and now the rest of them hanging all around the room no longer look like snowflakes to me. They look like paper doilies.

Back to the Candy Cane Tie! It's wonderfully Christmasy! It's bright green and has candy canes and round peppermint discs. The back has a loop of black material instead of the usual flat loop that most neckties I own or have worn in the past feature for wrangling the smaller end of the tie.

What do you call that thing? *Googles it* "Keeper Loop"... I guess that makes sense.

But you haven't heard the best part yet...

It plays Jingle Bells! Check out this shakey video!

Ahhh Peanuts Creche. It's not really the Christmas season until I put you up.

So that's it! That's my first Christmas present for 2013! What's yours?

P.S. Want to give me my next Christmas present? Link to the Ponder Couch Christmas Wishlist.

Ugly Christmas Sweater!

A song about an Ugly Christmas Sweater:

I sort of channel the ghost of Buddy Holly in this one. Or... maybe a Buddy Holly impersonator.

Here're the lyrics:

 get anxious when I see an evergreen tree
covered in tinsel and lights.
I start to perspire when I hear a choir
singing "Silent Night".

My forehead starts to bead when the pastor reads
about shepherds hearing good news.
My neck hair mats down when there's fruitcake around
and my feet flood my Christmas Shoes.

My palms get wet when I see silhouettes
of carolers out in the snow.
It flows down my back when nuts start to crack
and I pit out underneath mistletoe.

I love the Holiday Season and it makes me want to cry.
I'm and Ugly Christmas Sweater but by New Year's Eve
I'm cute and dry (x2)

A Traditional Christmas Hymn!

One of my favorite traditional Christmas hymns, presented as straight-forward as possible with no jokes or silly stuff.

"We're on the Island of Danzig Toys" or "Where Reindeer Dare"

Hey a new comic! I haven't done one of those in a while. This one is an idea I had today. I googled every combination I could think of to see if anyone has made a Misfits/Rudolph and Hermey joke, but found nothing. I'm sure it's out there, but I made my own version anyway.

I always thought his name was "Herbie". Huh...

A Wishlist for Imaginary Things

Last week I wrote about my Ponder Couch Christmas List. Those are all things that you can/could buy. This list is a wishlist for things that do not actually exist (outside of movies/tv shows). Here are some products I want Defictionalized so I can review them. Let's get to it.

1. Cuke

Cuke Cola from the "Friend Face" episode of the IT Crowd.

I would love to have a can of Cuke to review. I would crack it open, take a sip, and say

2. Duff Beer

I have written about Duff Beer before.

I know that there are lots of versions of Duff Beer that are unofficial (I want to try them ALL but NONE of them are available in my area), and there is even real Duff Beer available in Universal Studios Florida, but I would like it to be widely available. I would love to be able to drive over to Marsh and pick up a sixpack of Duff to take home and drink while I watch DVDs of the Simpsons.

Sigh...

3. Melonade and Fluffy Puff Marshmallows

I love Homestar Runner. I wish they were still making new Homestar Runner and Strongbad cartoons. I also wish I could buy these products and pretend that I could go to Free Country, USA.

4. Anything from Back to the Future 2

I want Power Lace Nikes (real ones that actually powerlace), Pepsi Perfect, and Hoverboards.

I would settle for one pink Mattel Hoverboard that actually hovered.

5. Stuff made by ACME and Krebstar

Yes. I know there are lots of manufacturers named Acme, but I want the kinds of things Wylie Coyote bought.

I just wish they were out there, making fantasy more real.


That's it for this list! I might make another one some other time when I think of more products I'd like defictionalized, but for now...

Can somebody please buy me a real Duff Beer....

or pay for my trip to Universal Studios?

Please...?

Noel!

Here's a cover of a Christmas song from one of the best cartoons ever made.

I hope this Holiday Season finds you warm, happy, and looking forward to a lot of good things.

Taco, Southern, Liberty...

Bells!

No... Silver Bells!

Watch it, like it, share it, and Subscribe!

A Ponder Couch Christmas List!

It's Christmas Season! So here's my Christmas List!

Well... actually it's my Amazon Wish List, but it can still work as my Christmas List.

It's all stuff I would like to own, but most of it is silly shelf-filler like a complete Tom Servo replica:

And other things that cost more money that I am willing to spend at the moment for something I won't use very often, but would like to have for... pictures... and looking at... and just knowing that I have it because sometimes having things makes me feel good.



Many of the items are silly, but some of them are for this very site! I do reviews of defictionalized products whenever I can find them. Many of them I can only find on the Internet, and even more of them are available in picture form, but not available for purchase.

Anyway, here are some items from the Ponder Couch (Sethifus's) Christmas List! 2013

A Coffee of Doom cup/mug from Questionable Content! It's a coffee cup! I would drink with it and say something from the comic! Like... "Butts!" or something...

An E is for Energy Tank coffee mug! It's from Mega Man! I'd pour the Mega Man E-Tank energy drink into it and drink from it in the review! So it looks more like the E-Tanks in the games!

I just checked and it's not there anymore. Maybe you could find it somewhere else...

It's the future hat from Back to the Future 2! I'd wear it and say things like "Heavy..."!

It's the stapler from Office Space! I'd staple things and quote Milton! Like "I'll set the building on fire..."!

Slurm energy drink! From Futurama! It's not available. I've been looking for a while and would very much like to review it.

Caf-Pow energy drink! From NCIS! I don't really know much about the show, but I like Abby and would like to review this as well!

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Walley Moose Egg Nog Mugs! I would love to have one or a set of these! I'd put real Egg Nog in them (even though I'm not a big fan of egg nog, but I love Christmas Vacation) and quote lines from the movie like "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

Booty Sweat energy drink from Tropic Thunder! It's not available. I've seen the movie once but don't remember much. But if someone gifted it, I would rewatch the movie and review it!

Soylent Green from... Soylent Green! I've never seen the movie, but I would seek it out and quote the Hell out of it while eating these crackers!

I love Chocolate Frogs! I would like to do a big review with all of the Harry Potter defictionalized candy. I'd love to take a trip to Universal Studios and review Butterbeer and Pumpkin Juice and all the other stuff as well (and then I'd jet over to the Downtown Springfield section to review real Duff Beer, a Flaming Moe, Krusty Burger, etc), but I'd settle for a box of Chocolate Frogs!

A talking Krusty the Klown Doll! I would review it and compare it to the murderous Krusty Doll from the Treehouse of Horrors episode. I want this doll.

A Duff Beer pint glass. I would like this for the eventuality that I could get an official Duff Beer or one of the many unofficial Duff Beers that are available in lots of places I will probably never go.

That's this year's Christmas List! If any of you can find it in your hearts to donate one, two, seven of these, I would be very greatful and mention your name(s) many times on the site and in each review that used one of your gifts!

If you can find any of these or any other defictionalized products not listed that you would like to see me review, I would love to review them!

And if you can get me one or more of those "real" Duff Beers, well I'd do my best to find you and kiss you RIGHT ON THE MOUTH!



Probably not really on the mouth, but I'd be very happy with you.